Mail Bag: Standing Out at Work

Hello,

I stumbled upon your blog a while back and really like it! It's great. I'm a working woman as well and curious to know your opinion on something.

Your style is certainly not tame. And you wear a lot of nice stylish clothes and definitely have an individuality to you. In many workplaces, there is a lot of competitiveness btwn. women and many times women who are older, or overweight or unattractive or who don't dress well are resentful twds stylish women. Does this happen to you?

this has happened at my workplace to me at various times. I'm also thin and some of the overweight women or frumpy women have given me dirty looks.

Also, in many workplaces it's not a good idea to stand out. Even if it's not so competitive, it inspires jealousy or negative vibes from other people. If i dressed like you to work, i know i would get dirty looks from women who are jealous.

Could I get your thoughts on this?

Tactic 1: Ignore Them
First, I try not to concern myself with the negative attitude someone might have toward me because of the way I dress. If a woman judges me vain, shallow, bitchy, vapid, etc based on my appearance, she probably isn’t someone with whom I want to be friendly. Is this truly someone with whom one wants to have a personal relationship?

Cruel comments can sting, but try not to let them get to you. No matter how fabulous your style, not everyone is going to love it. Content yourself with the knowledge that most of the criticism is borne of jealousy, not an actual violated ideal.

Tactic 2: Befriend Them
When I was little, I used to complain to my mother about the kids at school that I “hated.” She’d invariably reply that I’d better get used to being around people I didn’t like, because some day I’d have to work with them. She was right.

What to do if you must have a working relationship with someone who gives you the stink eye and makes catty comments about your clothes? Get to know her.

Unfortunately, many women view the workplace as a battle field and female coworkers as enemies. One of the first principles of warfare is to dehumanize the enemy. In this situation, you have been cast as the enemy. You are no longer considered an actual feeling, thinking person, but “that skinny bitch.” To overcome, you must demonstrate that you are a multi-dimensional human being, not a flat caricature.

Try taking the coworker to lunch or arrange to work on a project together. Create a situation where she can’t help but get to know you as a fellow person. Working on a project together is an ideal way to show your coworker that (1) you carry your weight at the workplace, despite your “frivolous” appearance, and (2) you are a valuable work partner. If she’s close with the rest of the group giving you dirty looks, she may end up being a great PR rep for you. Remember the adage: keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Tactic 3: Get Help
If you can’t ignore these unpleasant coworkers and your attempts to befriend them are unsuccessful, you may want to enroll your Human Resources contact. A situation like this is an indicator that there is a general atmosphere of intolerance in the workplace. Some diversity training might be in order.

Tactic 4: Concentrate on Work
Finally, no matter how flamboyant your dress, ensure that your work speaks even more loudly. You want to be known for the quality of your results, not the trendiness of your footwear. If your appearance stands out, you may have to do more advertising of your work product so that your coworkers don’t dismiss you as silly and vain. The ideal balance between the visibility of your style and your work will vary depending on your industry and your workplace environment.

Please don’t let jealous coworkers and snide comments cramp your style. Think what a fun and colorful place work would be if we all unleashed our inner fashionistas! You never know…the day you ignore the meanies and wear a wild scarf might be the day you inspire someone else to break out of the corporate mold, too.